It's A Hairy Situation

    Is it possible for a woman's chin hairs to triple in number in less than a year? I know that stress can cause gray hair (which, by the way, I'm learning firsthand), so is it the same with whiskers? In the almost-year that I've been married, I've noticed that my few "pluckeroos" have rapidly multiplied.... pretty soon me and my beard are going to have to have a sit down with our beautifcian in order to hash some things out. I'm terrified I'm going to turn into one of those crazy women that can't seem to keep up on their shaving, leaving the nasty, grayish remains of a 5 o'clock shadow across their chin.

    Body hair really is quite unpredictable, though. The hair on top of one's head gets thinner whereas the hair on the rest of the body gets thicker with age. How absurd is that life change! Congratulations, not only do you get a fatty intertube around the waist, pull your back out by switching a load of laundry, and pee 3-5 times a night, but you also get to go bald AND turn into a wooly mammoth, all at the same time. I swear, the other day I plucked an ARM hair that was at least an inch and a half long! (It was probably a rogue chin hair that lost it's way.) The hair was so long that I actually contemplated taking a picture of it before yanking it from it's homey folicle on my forearm. Plus, it's not just women! Men in their 30s have started growing enough shag carpeting on their backs to cover the floor of a child's bedroom. And don't even get me started on my husband's eyebrows.... if I'm not careful, those wirey caterpillars will attack my face and poke me in the eye when I go in for a kiss goodnight. It's pretty much a given that on his 35th birthday he'll be growing his own set of ear muffs as well.

    Perhaps it's not so bad. Afterall, wrinkles are a sign of wisdom and they count the moments of laughter in one's lifetime. Maybe the same can be said of body hair. Wait. No... no, it can't. The thicker the beard, the crazier you are. Period. As long as tweezers and razors can be purchased for a buck at the dollar store, there's just no excuse, ladies. Take care of it. And if we have to do it, men, so do you. Groom those facial orfices every now and again! No one wants to carry on a conversation with you when your nose hairs start to look like a mustache. Blame genetics, original sin, the fall of mankind, whatever.... God made Nair for a reason, so we can only blame ourselves for not using it. And honey? You better sleep lightly.... there's an eyebrow trimming in your immediate future.