I'm a Terrible, Sneaky, Cheat

Well, you might as well all know.... I was caught with my hand in the cookie jar. (Literally, this blog is actually about cookies.) I was at Walmart over the weekend and just trying to waste time as I waited for my pictures to be developed, and as I was browsing the photo frame isle (I wasn't even NEAR the cookies!) I saw a sign for candy-cane oreos. Really, how can a girl pass this up, right? However, I did just tell my husband to keep me accountable on the diet we resumed after Thanksgiving... but perhaps I can get them and only eat a few (she justifies to herself)? I'm weak and disgusting, so I bought them (eating half the box in the car ride home from the store) and I hid them upstairs in my closet. (If I left them in the pantry, it would just be tempting to him too, and I'm no Eve.... plus, he would just eat them all and I'm too selfish to share something that good.... I told you I'm terrible, just read the title.)
Tonight, I went upstairs to watch some tv and my hubby had left to go to the store for a few minutes. I took this opportunity to binge (ever so slightly) on the remaining treats hidden in my closet. I was down to the final two cookies when I heard the front door close. Quickly, I shoved the cookie I was holding into my mouth and hoped the last delicious nugget would blend into my nightstand so he wouldn't notice it. I lept off the bed, choking on dry crumbles, and ran to the other room, attempting to hide the cookie carton in the bottom of the garbage (one that only I change anyway). On my way back to the bedroom, I heard his footsteps coming up the stairs so I sped up.... my slippers slipping on the hard wood floor as I made the turn, nearly choking on the food in my mouth. He comes into the room just as I'm leaping into bed, feeling guilty and sure he will notice the brown gooey marks around my lips. No. The man notices (with his cookie-spying eye) the brown, camoflauged goodie on the nightstand and says (with shock and accusation) "What the heck is this!" I turned red and thought fast, trying to make up some believable story for the mystery cookie next to me.... should I deny it's presence? Perhaps I could tell him I found it behind the bed and hadn't thrown it out yet? I opted for the truth, leaving my silly justifications out of it. And then he ate my final cookie in one big mouthful, scolding me with his eyes. I told him how I almost fell and choked on the oreo. He thought it served me right.
I'm a terrible, terrible person.

My Big Panda

After going to the theater the other night to watch a kid's movie, we decided to stick with that theme all weekend... afterall, I was unable to move for so much of it that it just seemed best to stay on the couch eating leftovers and giggling at silly movies, such as Elf (a classic, really) and Kung Fu Panda. There's a million great references to my hubby and my eating habits, my clumsiness, and overall goofy natures during this movie... however, there is one scene toward the end when the big panda is lying down next to his teeny little Kung Fu master and the camera moves to an arial view. Out of nowhere my husband says, "hey look, that looks like you and I in bed!" I was really hoping that he wasn't referring to ME as the panda, but it was very clever nonetheless:)

A Pain In The Back

What I thought was simple PMS back aches and post-turkey day soreness has turned into full-on back spasms, tightness, and inability to bend the full way over without coming to my knees. Yet this did not stop me from organizing my husband's "man room", decorating for Christmas, and going on our date night (although after the first two activities, I required a portable heating pad and a man that could handle my constant gasps if I moved the wrong way.... and he did). We went to see the new animated movie called Tangled, the story about Rapunzel (which was really cute, by the way.... even if we're perceived as creepy for being the only adults there that DIDN'T have a small child with us). The movie was super cute, but our date night's completion was sadly given a rain check due to the spasming lower back. I'm very blessed, however, to have a husband that still considers it a good night when he sees a kid's movie with his wife:)

Thanksgiving

Have you ever had an ominous feeling, like you just know something is going to go wrong and you try to mentally prepare yourself for it ahead of time? I am SUPER familiar with this feeling, probably because I tend to have rather poor luck and God knows my OCD flares up without a heads up, so he sends me a mental warning so I can get ready for whatever is to come. Last night, hubby and I sat on our living room floor playing games for hours, laughing, having a great time. We were all snuggled into bed when my heads up arrived. Some may call me a pessimist, or a negative nellie, but when I woke up to dog puke all over the carpet, our picture window filling with rain water (on the INSIDE!), and our 5-day-thawing turkey still frozen, I stuck my proverbial tongue out at all of those who question my intuition.
Having prepared myself, however, I had a quick cry, cleaned everything up, and got to cooking. We had a wonderful day with our family, eating delicious food and enjoying each others' company. My man even tried everything I made (with the exception of the potatoes) and liked it! So overall, our first Thanksgiving together was a success, even if it was slow-starting:).

Boggle Pride

Generally speaking, I kick butt at word games. It's just who I am and I try not to brag about it. But really, it would be like Jennifer Lopez feeling guilty because she's beautiful... she just can't help it. Having this knowledge of my insane Boggle abilities, my husband usually refuses to give me the satisfaction of a game now and again..... but tonight, he was feeling badly for me because I apparently lack friends to hang out with, so he humored me and allowed me to cream him (round after round) until he was utterly tired of playing. However, he was down, but not out! I challenged him to a 10-round game of Dice (a passed down game in which the rules are still somewhat shady), and wouldn't you know it, he won (at a game with no skill and purely luck, but who's paying attention)! All kidding aside, I was grateful that my best friend chose to spend the evening neglecting what he wanted to do (chop logs up) in order to do something that would make me feel happy.... and guess what? It worked :)

Yoga Boogers

I managed to make it through the day fairly successfully, considering it WAS my first day back after the yucky flu. Around 3pm, however, I became rather tired, irritable, and my gums started to hurt (my classic sign that the infection still resides), but I was determined not to miss my yoga class tonight. So I sucked it up (and blew it out as the case may be) until my 6:30 class. As I sat in the warm hallway, waiting for aerobicize to end (yeah, it's really called that), all I really wanted was to curl up in that overstuffed, sweaty gym chair and fall asleep to the sounds of clanging weights and echos of locker-room banter. But no! I was not going to give into my base needs, not when my body had layed around collecting fat cells all weekend.
What I failed to consider before attending my class, was the fact that downward dog (along with all of the other downward poses that yoga entails) would, in fact, make my internal congestion become external. It was around the 5th forward fall that I had to start swallowing snot in order to prevent it from jumping out of my face and onto my mat. And once warrior 3 hit, I HAD to grab my kleenex.... and lets just say that I completely ruined the very serene atmosphere for the girls around me tonight. I sounded like all kinds of phlegm and boogery goo as I filled 3 tissues (skillfully missing out on tricep push ups). On the bright side, my yoga instructor seems to think that despite my nasal passage woes, I would actually benefit from becoming an instructor :) Ah, I make quite the impression.

The Flu Is The Yuck

After about 5 days of getting worse, I believe that today my fever broke and I'm heading upward toward the land of Health. I've been in the final stages of blowing, sniffing, and draining today, but my energy has come back (mostly). (That could be due to the fact that I was in bed literally from 2:30pm Friday until 11am this morning.) I was very impressed by my hubby's sweetness to me during my days of sickness. He cleaned the kitchen, loaded the dishwasher, and made me all my meals in bed (even going to get me my beloved ginger ale from the store). He rented me movies and checked on me often... I was very well taken care of. Although today I was in a nagging mood for some reason and jumped all over his case for every chair he didn't push in and every crumb he didn't wipe up.... He told me that he's SOOO glad I'm back to my old self :) (however, I DID feel bad for being grumpy and we made up). Back to work and a short week!

Rituals and Metaphors

I'm sorry, but all day trainings are for the birds. I spent 8 hours listening to a very odd woman talk about making rituals with families and using "creative" (slash CRAZY) metaphors with clients to help them look at their problems in a new way. I get that, really I do. But when we start bringing in Star Trek characters, the Wizard of Oz, and various food products, it really just gives me the giggles.... and it ALSO gives my co-workers the giggles too, as we lost our ability to control ourselves around the 7th hour. Thank God for other social workers that don't get too caught up in the over-analyzation that is our career!
After work I was able to go to a church meeting with my hubby and then watch ridiculously silly sitcoms while I nurse this flu/cold that has been attacking me recently. I think around Metaphor 218 I realized I had injested my last cough drop, but my hubby is doing a wonderful job of helping me relax and unwind from my day of butt kissing (I mean, engaging in very USEFUL training discussions). Time for bed:)

Everything But the Kitchen Sink....

It's just been one of those days where everything that can go wrong, has gone wrong. My man and I decided to try the same bed together again last night and, naturally, I was up most of the night. I had crazy weird dreams and just tossed and turned all night. Then, because it had rained last night, the ground was muddy and someone whom shall remain nameless kept letting the dogs back in with muddy feet (in his defense, he WAS wiping them off, but this was a time when we needed a bucket of water to wash them down), so I ended up in a huge row with him before work, making me late to run out the door. As I'm headed out the door, my boss calls to tell me that I hadn't entered my daily log into the computer from the day before and all logs were due today... she said she'd enter it for me, but that's rather difficult since I brought the log home with me. But I was in a hurry to get to the doctor's office for some allergy testing, so I thought, hey, I'll see if they'll fax it for me (which they did, as I waited 50 minutes for the nurse to arrive to do my allergy testing!... once again, in her defense, the receptionist never logged my appointment into the books, so she had forgotten I was coming in today). As a side note, please let me point out that EVERY time I walked out the door today, it began to rain (this happened 4 times).
As I sat there with my sleeve rolled up, I asked the kind nurse if this was going to hurt. "Oh, not hardly at all honey, just on the ones you're allergic to." Wouldn't you know it, I'm apparently allergic to everything but the kitchen sink? I got over 30 shots shoved into a 3 inch radius of upper arm.... on the 4th shot from the end, the nurse says, "Oh, I think you're more sensitive the further down your arm I go, I'll stick to up high." Oh good! I'm glad you figured that out SO CLOSE TO THE END!! On a bright note, I can roll in 3 kinds of mold and climb a tree without getting sick, but I'm pretty much allergic to everything from grass, to dirt, to dust, to pets....things that are airborne, things that are living, things that are stationary, indoor, outdoor, you name it! And next week, just for kicks, I get to see which foods I'm allergic to as well.
So I head to work, arm bloody and burning, only to have most of my appointments cancel on me, my boss have a PMS day, and I fell down the stairs at work... probably because my shoes were WET FROM THE RAIN! Time to call it a day before something happens to the kitchen sink, too.

Tremendous Husband Awards

If today were a Red Carpet event, I would dub it the Tremendous Husband Awards. I would dress up in a beautiful, long, flowing gown and my hubby would wear his camo shorts (commando style, I'm sure) and a hoodie (afterall, it IS his day, he should get to be comfortable, no?). Together we would strut down that red carpet with all the confidence in the world that he would take home the plaque (afterall, I did nominate him repeatedly today).
What did my man do to deserve these nominations? First, he got up and, upon realizing that I had a headache, he made me breakfast.... IN BED. (Dippy eggs, just the way I like them, with buttered toast and orange juice.) Second, he cleaned the kitchen. I'm not even kidding. He loaded the dishwasher (he even rinsed the dishes off before loading!), wiped down the counters, scrubbed the skillet, and hand-washed what would not fit in the dishwasher. If you like that, you're gonna love this... then he SWEPT the floors, even moving the couch to collect the dog hair balls that were floating about AND fixed the sofa cover!! (Please note that the nominations are just adding up at this point.) Then we get to church (which was freezing cold) and he sat with his arm around me trying to keep me warm, even though I know this is uncomfortable in those pews and he gets a kink in his back pretty quickly. After this, he procedes to be sweet at pie to me all morning (and evening), kissing my hand, complimenting me, asking me if I want HIM to cook dinner..... he even worked down in the basement WITHOUT getting upset and yelling at anything! I don't want to praise him too much and jinx this amazing day, but I have to say it... The Tremendous Husband Award goes to.... (drum roll....) .... PATRICK COSTA!! (I love you, Bubba!)

Sexy Barney

Whereas the purplish hair remains, it has somewhat faded to a darker auburn. However, because my hair was so long when I dyed it, it didn't dye evenly, so there are shades of the original light brown and blonde highlights that show through, making me look slightly more punk than I intended. So today, I'd had it. I was sick of long hair. My hubby likes long hair, but really, it's just a pain in the buttocks and I decided that my happiness is truly more important than his :) So I got it chopped! Approximately 6 inches fell to my feet at the salon as Lori chopped and layered and blew dry my Barney locks. In fact, Lori actually liked my coloring job! (I always knew I liked that woman.) My husband anxiously awaited my arrival (aka texted me every ten minutes to see when I would be home). As I emerged from the car, my hubby grinned, gave me a kiss, and asked me if we could "sleep in the same bed tonight". Apparently my Barney-do is super sexy in my man's eyes and we can both enjoy happiness afterall.

Conspiracy Theory

Well, I didn't even know that this was possible, and frankly, I'm impressed that my dog was able to develop the one bowel issue that I myself don't possess, but unfortunately, Molly has Colitis (aka, permanent-poopy-butt). Now, I know that humans can get this disease and it can be rather painful and it involves bleeding from the intestines and rectum, dehydration, and random crapping about (I'm realizing I should have put a disclaimer at the beginning of this post for those that have weak stomachs). But I had no idea that dogs could get this, as well. It appears to develop mostly in dogs that have anxiety problems (so the fact that Molly is terrified of brooms, mops, fake flowers, bras, furry coats, spatulas, new people(etc, etc, etc) leads me to believe that her puppy stress has turned into the proverbial pain in the butt!).
The strange part in all of this is not the medicine, special food, or constant clean-up.... it's the fact that the vet asked us to collect a urine sample from Molly. Ok, seriously? How in the HECK does one go about getting a dog to pee in a cup?!? We followed her around the yard for an hour in the cold (holding our mini tupperware), Molly nervously scampering away from us as she eyed the mysterious object. Have you ever seen how close a dog squats to the ground? Because I assure you, there is no cup in the world that is small enough to fit between her pee hole and the ground. But obviously a vet would know this, and yet she still asked for this impossible feat to be accomplished. Therefore, I now believe that the veterinarian is actually bugging our house and yard with hidden cameras, waiting to see how us idiots will go about collecting this urine. Oh, but I'm on to her schemes. I WILL conquer this task. (Suggestions are always welcome.....)

Seperate Bedrooms

After just shy of the 3 month mark, my husband and I have discovered the joy of seperate bedrooms. As fond as I have become of his nightly moans, gas, and snoring, it was a welcome change when my man realized that the large bags under my eyes were not my attempts at the latest makeup trend, but really signs of utter exhaustion from lack of sleep. Therefore, he suggested he sleep in the spare bedroom last night. And wonders of wonders, this little wifey slept like a baby on a cloud made of lavender squishyness and melatonin-like cotton balls. I put in a movie of choice, turned on the sleep timer, and swept myself away into the center of the king-sized bed, down comforter snuggled up to my ears, dehumidifier humming, and the ocean noises playing on my alarm clock. No one got up to pee at night (hitting the bed and jostling it into the wall on their way back to bed), no one smacked me in the face with the weight of a dead arm, and no one breathed heavily onto my face with breath smelling of sunflower seeds.... but tonight, I will allow him back into our marital bed. Afterall, what good is being married if you can't reach over and touch someone at night (but the night after is fair game).

Always Somethin'

Life can be funny sometimes. And by funny, I mean rude, inconsiderate, up and down, and just plain awful. (Life sounds alot like PMS.) About a month ago, my car decided that it needed a new battery. Apparently the old one just wasn't cutting it anymore. So the lovely people at the store put in a new battery... and for free, they threw in a broken radiator hose as they jostled the battery into place. Since that fateful day, I've apparently been leaking anti-freeze all over our driveway, which my pig-dog smelled and thought, "DESSERT!", leading to the 10 days of diarrhea and bloody stool we had to take her to the vet for last week.
Anyways, my car has been in the shop for going on 3 days, and I borrowed my mother-in-laws car the first day, but today, today I got the honor of driving my husbands truck. The entire way to work I noticed that his brakes go all the way to the floor before STARTING to stop. I mentioned this to him. His response is, "Well, they worked yesterday." (Said with slight attitude.) Me, having no idea what that has to do with anything, respond that it does me very little good that the brakes worked yesterday, since today they do not work. His response? "Oh, ok, well I guess I made it up that they were working yesterday!" (ok, WHAT??)
So as I drive home, the truck is shaking everytime I use the brakes and I have several near rear-ending incidents, which I procede to tell my husband, who slams the door in an angry moment. (Again, I'm really not sure why this is all happening.) I ask him to not slam the door so my door wreath doesn't fall. His response? "Oh, that's right. I ALWAYS slam the door!" (Oh my gosh, seriously? Is this really happening???) So not only does my life have PMS, so does my husband! Maybe if I start walking to work now, I can make it by my appointment at 10am, but I'm sure that would be something to yell at as well.

Weekend Happenings

My hubby and I had a lovely weekend together. Friday night we enjoyed each other's company by watching a depressing movie (just because something has 4 stars doesn't mean it's a feel-good movie of the year!). Then, on Saturday, we had a date night and went out for a wonderful dinner (I got to have pumpkin ravioli again and it was delicious!). Unfortunately, due to having been eating so healthy lately, the heavy meal made us both unhappy in our tummy's and one of us (not me) left the bathroom in a fairly sinful state and then proceded to sin all night long under the covers. But we laughed and joked and then fell asleep to a movie (a much funnier pick this time). And today, after church, I made a huge dinner for us and his family (all very healthy and low fat), and then they praised me repeatedly. I beamed (humbly, of course) and enjoyed the compliments. This was my practice for Thanksgiving dinner, which I'm going to do as low fat as possible (but still tasty.... I hope) with the use of new herbs to increase taste. And now, to finish this weekend, we're going to attempt some couch time together and try to stay awake past 9pm and prove that we are NOT 60 years old.

She's Been Violated!

I like the thrill of getting scared. I enjoy scary movies, intense scenes where you're just waiting for someone to jump out and then BAM!!! It's fun to tell ghost stories around a fire and to play pranks on people to freak them out. But this week I saw something that was so scary I can barely talk about it.
It began at night, close to dawn but still dark outside. The house was quiet with just the faint muffle of puppy snores. The dim glow from the hallway nightlight was all that lit the bedroom when I got up to get a drink of water. As my eyes began to adjust, I looked across the bed and saw it.... my husband.... naked as a jay bird.... hairy as a beast.... SPOONING MY DOG!!!!!!!!!!!
My poor, helpless Molly, layed there completely unaware of this obvious violation, snoring softly and enjoying this extra-special cuddle, while my husband layed there, inhibitions apparently aside, leg over top of her, nuzzling her neck with his face.
I'm struggling with nightmares now, food has lost his taste, and I rock in a corner whenever my dog comes near me. I just don't know how to move on from this.....

Blah Blah-Blah Blah-Blah.....

I think I know how men feel. For a brief moment in my day, I think I finally had a glimpse into the mindset of a man (no, I wasn't thinking about boobs or football). So there I was, in the kitchen, reading labels and trying to make a nice, healthy snack, when my husband comes into the room and begins rambling (and wow, do I mean rambling) about something (and that's a fact, I honestly cannot remember what he was talking about!) and I found myself getting so irritated that I actually had to tune him out for most of his chitter chatter! It was like he was a 6 year old girl and she just discovered how cool she thinks Barbies are or something and she wants to tell you EVERY DETAIL. Finally, because I couldn't tune him out any longer, I simply said "Please stop talking, you're annoying me." ha, the look of utter amazement on his face was beyond priceless!
He reminded me that this is what he has to deal with day in and day out, living in a world of women...
Oh my gosh, it just happened again! He came in and totally distracted me to the point of losing my train of thought! Is he on estrogen or something?? Will this continue? Am I going to feel like a man from now on?
Anyways, he has been laughing at me ever since because he thinks this is funny that he finally "wants to talk about his feelings" and I just want him to go away. If only he knew that I love him more when he is silent....

First Day On A New Diet

After learning that I will finally be able to get allergy testing (thank you, JESUS!!!!!), I got very motivated to be healthier. I can't make it to the gym regularly anymore due to my job schedule, so I have to improvise. Yoga and Pilates during the week, gym when I can, healthy eating DAILY. My man uses his smart phone (my phone is apparently stupid?) to calculate his calories for the day using the FatSecret application. Well, it turns out you can use them for free online as well, so we decided to start logging in everything we eat, beginning with today. So if anyone wants to join, we can motivate each other on their website and do this together! I've got 18 unwanted pounds to shed, and it's good to know that I have my man helping me:) We did our protein shakes, TONS of vegetables today (thank you, Katie;), salad, and lean protein. And Pat actually LIKED the food a lot! So I think we can do this if we really try. And one day, when I can breathe through my nose again, I will feel even more wonderful!

PS, this is NOT an advertisement for a smart phone or an application.... I secretly think smart phones are a semi-retarded craze that makes people overly dependent on one piece of technology and unable to make it through the day without rushing to it every few seconds.... that being said, I want one.

Telephones...A Blessing Or A Curse?

I find that everyone with my phone number seems to have impecable timing when it comes to calling me. My husband is first on this list. If I were a gambling woman, I would bet a large amount of money on the fact that my phone will ring, more than likely from my man, the very moment that I put my hands into the soapy dishwater, I step into the shower, sit down to do my daily "business", get on an important phone call, have my hands full with groceries, or just begin a favorite tv show. And if I do not answer, it's not like he goes away.... I know that my phone will ring at least once a minute until I pick up, and naturally there will be a few text messages in between. It's not that my husband stalks me, because I just seem to have this luck with mostly everyone who calls me regularly.
Now, lets transfer this luck to the fact that I'm on-call at my job for the next WEEK. This is a 24/7 on-call system, so the moment my head hits the pillow.... ring ring? Luckily my boss is keeping her phone on to help me through any crisis calls for the first couple times I'm up for this swell position, but lets just hope that my husband's impecable timing does NOT transfer over to my work phone! (And just for kicks, I think I'm going to start calling him everytime he sits down to read his book.... hehe :))

Barney

Well last week DID end, and the weekend brought fun times with friends from home, including making carmel apples, a bon fire, movies, and an awesome dinner at Shakespeares. And my man surprised me by doing such a nice job of cooking us breakfast (with sliced fruit to boot!) and cleaning up after himself and others the entire weekend. He even rubbed my shoulders last night, so I honestly feel capable of starting this week. I get to experience my first week being on-call, so we'll see how that goes, especially since my allergic reactions have continued and I'm being heavily sedated with benedryll at night. Let's pray that no one calls past 9pm!
On a less than happy note, I decided to take the plunge and go red....with my hair. I picked out a beautfiful light auburn shade (as to avoid all those mishaps that have occurred before with red hair coloring). Why the past wasn't my predictor of the future, I'll never know, but once again, I have purple-ish hair. Did it lighten and turn red? Not a chance! It darkened (almost black) and has a purple glow in most lighting. Pat keeps singing "I love you, you love me...".... I can't even lash out at him because hey, I DO look like Barney!