A word you never like to hear your doctor say is "lumpy". Think about it. Is there ever a context in which "lumpy" can be said in a positive light? "Sir, your cornea looks lumpy" or "Mrs. So-and-So, I'm afraid we've found a lumpy tonsil" or "I can assure you that everyone has a lumpy (insert body part here)".... it's never a good thing to hear. But today, I got told I'm lumpy by a doctor (which REALLY is a boost to the ego, if you can only imagine). This occured AFTER I was attacked by the good lab technicians at the local hospital. I really had high hopes upon entering the registration station... the gal was super friendly, sweet, and overall endearing. She cheerily sent me on my way to the witches that live in the dungeon that is known as "Outpatient Lab" without a warning of what was ahead. Not only are these the most unfriendly women I've ever met, but as I sat there awaiting my bruise, the next two people that signed in at the desk actually cursed while coming to take their seats in the waiting area! (We're talking some VERY rude and unfriendly service when 75-year-old sweeties are swearing at people.)
I'm finally called back into the room and the lady all but rips my sleeve trying to attack my arm with the needle to finish off my allergy testing for food. Not only have I NOT been able to fully straighten my arm for the rest of the day, but I also had the priveledge of experiencing irony on my arm.... yes, I was ALLERGIC to my allergy blood draw (well, to the tape they used to hold my bloody cotton ball to my throbbing arm, anyway). So, overall, I can honestly say that I wish I could've gone to work instead of taking my vacation day to feel like a lumpy, bruise of a human being.
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